First step forward

     If you were to ask me when I was young, "what do you want to be when you grow up" I would have looked you dead in the eye and told you I wanted to be a doctor with the fierce determination you would think could not fail. I wouldn't use the term fail, I simply realized that what I thought I wanted wasn't what i wanted. I come from a broken home and what I wanted in life more than anything was a family. Being a young and stupid 19 year old I met my best friend and married him, our first accomplishment. I do not regret my choices but now i realize that life is not a short as I thought it was. If I could do it again I would have worked harder at school even though I had no direction. Finally at the ripe old age of 27 I finally admitted to myself what i do want to be a writer. The first time I admitted this I laughed, thats not real, I'm not a child. I woke up the next day and I went to work. A couple months later... you know what would make for a good book? (I would tell you but I have it stashed a way in a notebook still begging to be written) too bad it doesn't exist... but why not? If it doesn't exist shouldn't I create it? I made notes I wrote a page and another reader friend of mine read it and liked the idea but still no maybe some day. But they kept coming, idea after idea of things that i want to write. I have them all stashed away but of course if i want to actually be a writer I need to take a class, I can't take a class I'm about to have a baby. I can't take a class i just had a baby. I can't take a class I have a newborn. How disconcerting, if not now when? when she's older... do I want to wait until she goes to school to do what I dream to do. Why school?

     I watch so many youtube channels of people making things and moms routines and I doubt they went to school for it. Why can't I start vlogging? If having a baby taught me anything is that I need to experience life as it is and stop worrying so much about where we are going. Does T have a college fund? Do we have retirement? Yes those are all very important things but what is more important is "how much longer am i going to see her light up when i walk in the room?" How much longer will she let me rock her to sleep? My mother and I don't have the best relationship what if ours ends up the same?

     I learned that we need routines and charts, I love charts its so uncool! Excel is my happy place, when I don't know something I google it and research and eventually I make my own. I love the process. We did the classic "buy the worst house in the best neighborhood" we can fix it up ourselves with time right? Its been a year most of which has been spent with a colic ridden daughter and no sleep but after 9 months we found the perfect daycare and little T can finally hang out by herself without crying and momma bought a miter saw. I don't have a photographer here in green ol' Dallas so I thought why not do it myself? I'm still trying to convince my husband that an expensive camera is in the budget but i will made due with my point and click and teach myself photo editing until then. I'm so excited for what this blog has to offer me. I always think about documenting my DIY's or my cooking failures but now i'm taking my first step forward and honestly I have never felt better.